Paragraphs by Paul Miller
The Tiburon Ark newspaper's report of tennis superstar Andre Agassi's former 12,373-square-foot Tiburon house being declared by its new owners as too small to be livable for them, is a pleasure to read.
The new owners propose leveling the old house so they can build a cozy 15,255 square-footer surrounded by other new structures that total 3,338 square feet as well as an underground movie theater.
A green house that big is hard to imagine, so let's look at a house less than HALF the size of Agassi's old one: 6,000 square feet and probably the largest house the average Marinite has walked through. That experience offers the view of a minimum of five toilets; three eating rooms--the largest of which has never been used; a stained glass clerestory lit foyer; a pool table room; a television room; a living room no one has sat in; a guest room that would more accurately be described as an one-room apartment; a crowded three-car garage; a Costco-sized pantry; a study hall; and closets in which you could play only half-court basketball. Let's face it, a 6000-square-footer IS a tiny dump, an embarrassment to its neighbors and should be replaced by something that reflects ostentatiously green sensibilities.
Ark Reporter Deirdre McCrohan scraped up some fascinating detail at the Tiburon Design Review Board's recent meeting. The bottom line of what she found, was that the old place will be replaced-thank God-by probably more than 20,000 square feet of structures.
The proposed main house and the other new structures on the site add up to only 18,593 square feet. But wait, there's more: the square footage for a proposed underground movie theater--it surely is at least a respectable 1500 square feet--was because calculation rules omitted from the board's total. Consequently, this theater can be built even larger--large enough perhaps to be used as a venue during both the Tiburon Film Festival and the Mill Valley Film Festival!
Now THAT is a 20,000-square-foot-worshiping neighbor to be proud of and one you hope will neither charge you nor require you to wear a sticker to take a private tour of the place. If your castle-baron neighbor is really friendly, you may even get a chance to test drive one of the cars that will likely live in the new garage with nine others, all Priuses, of course.
So how green is this new place going to be? Rumor has it that it will be painted that color.
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Long time Marinite Paul Miller
was editorial cartoonist for the Marin IJ, sports cartoonist for the
Novato Advance, a cover cartoonist for the Pacific Sun, and is
currently a cartoonist illustrator for The Ark. He's had cartoons
published in the San Francisco Chronicle and his surf paintings have
been published on the Surfriders Foundation website. He joins MoreMarin
as a contributing editorial cartoonist.
Miller, a former Marine
and UCLA graduate, taught a cartooning course in the art department at
the College of Marin. His paintings and drawings are in private
collections in California, Arizona, Washington, Hawaii, Texas, Florida
and Provence, France. Miller's book, A Cartoonist's Guide to Prostate Cancer, was described by Dr. Dean Edell as "a must for any man facing prostate cancer!"
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