Emotional and Relationship Health with Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
Relationships need nurturing much as a garden needs tending. Particularly if you're in a long term marriage, it's far too easy to let the hustle and bustle of family, jobs, social obligations and life in general cloud over connecting with your partner.
As a couples therapist, I find that people who make it a priority to at least "check-in" with each other consistently feel more connected.
Couples who do not prioritize each other and the relationship this way often struggle. When there is a disrupted flow of communication, issues can simmer and have a way of bubbling up. This can take the form of resentment which left unchecked is toxic. You probably know it if your partner is harboring negative energy around something you've done. In case you're unsure, unchecked resentment can manifest in the following behaviors:
• Stonewalling
• Dismissiveness
• Criticism
• Passive-Aggression
Incorporating even a brief check-in with each other can decrease the chance of resentment building up and other relationship issues that stem from poor or absent communication. There are a myriad of potential purposes for this allotted time such as asking about each others' day, taking an emotional read on each other, discussing an incident where one felt hurt so that it can be worked through or simply sending the message that you are important enough to each other to carve out this time.
A check-in can take place anywhere; a walk, sitting on the couch after the kids are asleep (with the t.v. off) or for those with incredibly frenetic lives, by the coffee maker over a "cuppa joe." My preference is for couples to take a walk together so they have the opportunity to move their bodies and get the benefits of clean, fresh air and exercise. Additionally, being surrounded by beauty has a natural way of creating feelings of well being.
And lucky us! There are sparkling gems in the form of nature all around us that beckon us to walk, bike, run and soak in the environment. If you both have the time, I encourage you to take advantage of this fact, enjoy each other and the striking beauty that surrounds us.
Now that you know a bit about the importance of checking in with your partner, here are 5 fabulous places to walk in Marin to do just that:
To get there: Take the Shoreline Exit to Miller Avenue, heading towards downtown Mill Valley, turn left on Throckmorton to Old Mill Park, right on Olive, left on Lovell and right on Summit. Drive to the end of Summit Ave, turn into Fern Canyon Road where you’ll find the trailhead of the Temelpa Trail. From there it is a short (1 km) ascent to the top.
2. Phoenix Lake / Ross: Hidden behind an exclusive neighborhood in Ross, Phoenix Lake provides a stunning backdrop to an easy 35-minute loop where you'll see bikers and walkers sprinkled in together. You truly feel like you're in natures surrounded by birds fluttering between the tall trees. The glassy water below is breathtaking.
To get there: Take Sir Francis Drake Blvd from HWY 101 towards San Anselmo then left on Lagunitas Rd. Go approximately half a mile. If you go early, you stand a chance of getting a spot in the small parking lot. Otherwise, you can park in the neighborhood just before the path up to the lake.
To get there: Take Tiburon Blvd. off of Hwy 101 for 1.7 miles, turn right at Blackie’s Pasture Rd. A big parking lot will be in front of you and the path is just to the left.
4. Bel Marin Keys / Novato: A walk around Bel Marin Keys Lagoon offers an a typical outdoor experience in Marin. The path winds around the lagoon itself where you can see the attractive waterfront homes dotted along the opposing side of each inlet of the lagoon itself. It's incredibly quiet and peaceful. I grew up in Marin and only discovered this last year when we moved to Novato. I'm not sure how far or where the path goes, but what I do is walk about 20-30 minutes then turn around.
How to get there: Take Ignacio Blvd off of Hwy 101 and go East. It will become Bel Marin Keys Blvd. Continue approximately a mile and make a right turn on a dirt road, at the first sight of the lagoon. It can be easy to miss it so if you get to the split in the road (two directions) then you’ve gone too far. Park along the side of the very short dirt road and walk past the gate and onto the path.
How to get there: Take the Mill Valley / Stinson Beach exit off of Hwy 101. Follow Shoreline Highway until you see the Tennessee Valley Road sign then turn left. Continue down for approximately 1.5 miles to the parking lot.
If you and your partner simply don't have the time to experience one of these beautiful Marin walks together, don't let this stop you from prioritizing your connection time. The most important thing is that you find time for it, in whatever way suits your particular situation and lifestyle.
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, Marin. She has a private practice doing individual therapy, couples and premarital counseling. Lisa is also the creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, containing articles, tips and tools by her and other therapy
professionals. She is a Marin County native where she lives with her husband and young son.
Lisa will be writing about relationship improvement and personal development topics in her column, Emotional and Relationship Health with Lisa Brookes Kift.
Nice article, and nice tie-in with the natural retreats. I would love to come visit.
Posted by: Paul Jimerson | Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 09:55 PM