Joel Griffin--from all appearances--is just your typical teen.
The tall, 14 year-old with hair on the longish side, wearing dark jeans and a hoodie, attends Freedom High School in Oakley. His favorite class this year, is Algebra I.
Joel likes skateboarding (he's quick to specify long-board) and hanging out with his friends.
Today he's laughing and rough-housing a bit with a couple of other boys, just before they begin a hike up a trail in the middle of a redwood thicket deep in Sonoma County. Joel is at camp--along with about 50 other kids from Marin and a few other Bay Area counties.
You can find swimming, archery and hiking here, but this camp also offers something else for kids like Joel.
Camp Erin, is a summer weekend bereavement retreat for children aged 6 to 17-years-old, who have lost someone significant in their lives--a mother, a father or in Joel's case, a sibling.
Some of the kids here this weekend, have lost a loved one after after a long illness. Others have family members whose deaths occurred in sudden, violent or accidental circumstances. Every case is tragic.
The camp is named for Erin Metcalf, a teen who died from cancer and whose wish it was to help other children. Major league pitcher, Jamie Moyer and his wife knew Erin, and founded the bereavement camp in her memory. Their foundation, the Moyer Foundation, partners with Hospice By the Bay, which is based in Marin.
Most everybody associates Hospice with end-of-life care, but they also specialize in bereavement programs for the living; those children and adults who are left behind.
The programs may not be as well known, but to these kids, they are a life-line.
Take Joel for instance.
A year-and-a-half ago, Joel's older brother Aaron died in a tragic accident. Aaron, who was 15 at the time, was hit by a train and killed while walking along the railroad tracks in his neighborhood. Joel says Aaron had been visiting a friend, and was taking a shortcut home.
Joel doesn't dwell long on his brother's accident, but he does light up when asked how being at camp has helped.
"It really helps me to know that I'm not alone, that there are people out there who are willing to help," he says adding, "I like being able to talk about it with other people and the camp is fun."
Lauren Kenney, Bereavement Services Manager for Hospice says they see all kinds of unanticipated deaths at Camp Erin, like suicide, accidents and even murder.
"We have a girl who's coming to camp who lost her boyfriend to murder. The thing that we noticed this year, is the bulk of the losses are traumatic deaths."
This is actually Joel's second year at camp. He was there last year for Camp Erin's North Bay inaugural session. The camp gives preference to children who have never been to camp, but if there is room--as there was this year--repeat campers are welcome. Best of all, the camp is totally free.
Hospice is able to secure the camp facility for the three-day retreat through a generously discounted price by the folks at Catholic Charities at their CYO camp in Occidental.
The camp is beautiful, serene and peaceful; a perfect setting for fun--and for healing.
"It's a combination of therapeutic activities and just camp-fun kind of stuff," explains Lauren, "because, we want the kids to be able to have a safe place to talk about their grief, but also have an opportunity to just be kids."
Lauren is the person who is tasked with organizing the weekend camp, and there is a lot packed into the relatively short time the kids are at camp.
Everyone participates in sports and recreational activities and also the therapy group sessions. Then there are special ritual activities that everyone participates in; posting a photo of the loved one on a memory board, constructing a wish flag (rather similar to a Tibetan prayer flag) or lighting a candle in the luminary lighting ceremony.
Lauren takes us down to the Sacred Space, a tent that has been erected on a grassy area near the main camp gathering hall.
It's decorated with the brightly colored memory flags, each with an outline of a hand. On each finger is written a wish; one for other kids at camp, one for their family, one for the rest of the world, one for the loved one who has died and one for themselves. As they flutter in the breeze, we read some of the wishes--
"I wish he has a good time in heaven."
"I hope you are in a better place."
I wish everyone here be helped."
"I hope there's a beach in heaven."
There is a high ratio of camp personnel to kids here; 80 volunteers to about 50 campers. Many of the volunteers are Hospice employees.
"Kids that need special attention, get it," says Lauren.
There are big buddies that stay with the kids in the cabins and volunteers for all the sports and activities. The counselors who conduct the therapeutic sessions are professionals.
One person who volunteered this year, is Marin resident and a former Olympian, Mike Altman (shown at left). Mike, a nationally ranked rower, had retired from racing after last year's Beijing Olympics. He was looking to do something meaningful after years of self-focused competition. Mike's aunt had died of cancer five years ago
and his mother had become involved in Hospice and she told him about Camp Erin.
"I'd spent a lot of time in my last year of rowing thinking about what I was going to do", he said, "I saw what kind of an impact we can really have, when we are Olympians just because of the way society looks at us. So it was important to me to find some ways to actually give back."
He says when he called Camp Erin to offer his services, he was "overwhelmed by how excited they were when I contacted
them about volunteering!"
Camp Erin doesn't have rowing, but they do have basketball and we catch Mike herd several campers onto a nearby court to shoot some hoops. Some kids get baskets; some miss. All of them are laughing.
Making friends is a huge step forward in moving through the grief and rebuilding your life. One of the things Joel really enjoys about camp, is being able to continue his connection with the other campers.
As Lauren walks us to our car, she mirrors Joel's thoughts on the camp's benefit extending beyond the weekend."One of the people in my cabin this year, was in the cabin next to me last year. So that was really fun and right away all of us in the cabin got to be really good friends," he says, continuing "I've got all the emails and phone numbers of the people who were in the therapy group I went to. I think it will be easy to hang out and keep in contact with them."
"We're hoping in a lot of situations this [camp] just initiates some conversations to help these kids start thinking about what they're feeling and to talk with their adult loved ones that are trying to support them."
Camp Erin seems like a wonderful step towards that healing process.
(more photos below)
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Hospice By the Bay is a private not-for-profit organization that relies on donations of time, money and resources.
For more information on Camp Erin, look here.
Information on the Moyer Foundation can be found here.
What a wonderful place for children going through such hard times. I wish I had known about this years ago.
Posted by: Donna | Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 09:26 AM